I know. It sounds weird. The title is something I had been speaking to myself about for quite some time. I couldn’t figure out what I actually meant by it when the words first came to mind. I knew that I didn’t feel like wholesome adult, a completed adult. I felt like there were things I needed to do or be concerned with. I felt absent. I felt like I wasn’t thinking about the things a normal adult should be thinking about – children, job security, and retirement. As I continued my inner dialogue, I started noticing what it meant to “grow up” and the life lessons missed during my teenage years: building emotional maturity, accepting the real world, and setting boundaries.
Since starting my professional career, I observed myself (more) in third person, how I respond to what’s going on and why I am encountering my set of obstacles on my road to success. I never thought about how I reacted to every situation in my life. I never thought about personal growth on my professional journey. At the time, my mind didn’t think the two avenues connected. I was wrong. One of the first examples of how you will run your business is how you run your personal life. You can look at how people manage themselves and see exactly how well, or poor, their practices are.
The very first life lesson I learned entering adulthood (we’re talking after graduation and experiencing the actual work force) was that I lacked the emotional stability to recognize and accept the “real world”. Or, as my grandmother would say “baby, it’s time for you to take off the rose colored glasses.” This first lesson encompasses so many things at the same time. To keep it simple: imagine your understanding of the world came crashing down, certain aspects are no longer adding up or making any sense. Adulthood will do that. My primary example – you’re forced to justify lying as an act of survival, and accepting as fact that telling the truth can be the reason you’re still unemployed.
Realization: The world will not be what you want it. In a perfect world, we would all have what we want. You have to be mature enough to accept and live with everything, good and bad.
The next lesson was (forcibly) embracing definite and tangible ideas. For a while, I thought I was the bul (boul/bul/bulh – Philadelphia slang used in place of dude, guy, gentlemen, or man). I knew a lot (at 22-23 years old) and put so much blind faith into things you couldn’t tell me I didn’t know. I thought about everything and imagined… And that’s where I continued to go wrong. Imagination and theory lives in the land of “what if.” Here’s the thing: you cannot leave future actions to just theory. Thinking about how you can handle something vs having the actual knowledge of the experience (the expertise) can and does separate experts from the novice. This is not to say you should not create theories or imagine how some things come about. Live in what is empirical vs what factual things you’re refusing to recognize about life.
Realization: You cannot operate in false strength or untested ideas. The world operates on portfolio experience. The world relies of evidence, not speculation, for its future.
The third and final life lesson: knowing your boundaries and limitations. I spent a lot of time around folks who cared about my well-being. There was a universal idea of caring for your peer that was shared (or so I thought) across the board in my personal circles. With that in mind, I kept it 100% about my motives, ideas, feelings etc. I thought being honest was the right thing to do. In fact, being honest is the right thing to do. However, I was comfortable, a bit too comfortable, with everyone. In my early twenties, I didn’t know what it meant to be taken advantage of. I thought when you told people to stop or asked them to do and it would cease. Nope. I also learned if you reveal too much information to the wrong people, it opens the door for them to do what they want with what they learned. The other thing is recognizing “good”, non-violent behavior is a form of poison and abuse. Manipulation comes in all forms from all angles. The hard thing is knowing when you’re on the receiving end of predatory behavior and what you can do to confront it. It was only until recently I recognized soft abuse from people in my circle. You cannot give yourself away for free, personally or professionally. We cause our own destruction by unknowingly giving someone the keys to manipulate us in any capacity. Everyone in our lives plays a part in our personal and professional development.
Realization: Vet everyone. Test people to see if they are the right person to be in your inner circle. It’s up to you to protect you. Enemies can wear a mask of friendship, too.
Upon reaching the gates of my late twenties (which are sadly ending), I see with clarity how ill prepared I was for managing my adult self. I don’t feel well equipped in my adulthood and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like that. There are three things we should know as adults: Politics, Financial Literacy and our Legal System. I don’t recall any part of my academic career focusing on the aforementioned topics. It was only after graduating college (at 22 years old), and my choice to focus on politics (out of ignorance) did I come to this conclusion. America expects us to vote, yet we barely understand why politics is relevant to the everyday person, let alone what candidates are about. We’re supposed to pay taxes, file them, know the penalties of not doing so and more recently, find and secure our own healthcare coverage. We’re expected to follow the law (blindly) and that everything will be ok. I’m not asking for a helping hand. I’m asking for a fighting chance. Yeah, yeah, I know if we don’t make mistakes we don’t learn. True. But, why do I have to make the mistakes that don’t need to be made in the first place if many folks are suffering for falling into these same traps build on ignorance? If people, all Americans’, had real access to knowing the rules of engagement for The United States, we would have better adults. People would know how to handle more problems instead of being purposely ill prepared, unknowingly violent, high-strung emotional beings responding to things they don’t understand.
We are getting to a point where we need to build better people. We should be better people. For a while, the debate has been nature vs nurture. I don’t think that’s the conversation anymore. It should be nature vs nurture vs the environment and what our surroundings are be doing to make us better adults, everywhere.
Photography by: Adan Perez @adinup
Shirt by: Xxclamation
You must be logged in to post a comment Login